Let's Not Be Stupid

This won’t be my best entry. Hell, I doubt it’ll ever be included in the coffee table, best of Let’s Not Be Stupid edition that’ll grace everyone’s bottom, dusty bookshelf in ten years. But since I’m starting to re-rant in my attempts to come up with something to fill this space, I’m taking a left turn off of center.

Let's play a game, boys and girls. Time for some fun; weekly lectures tend to wear on the nerves after a while. I should know. I have a degree from plaid jumper, steel ruler, sexually frustrated penguin school.

From today's top headlines, let's find the stupid:

Straight-by-the-Bible Pastor found shot in the back
SELMER, Tenn. - His wife, Mary Winkler, is being held for questioning in Alabama. She triggered an Amber Alert by disappearing with her three children before her husband's body was found by parishioners in their bedroom.

The Stupid: Anyone who believes the shit the media shovels: that the Pastor's an innocent victim, that something like this couldn't happen in that type of community, etc. People are stupid and will do stupid things. Deal.

Outcry rises over Afghan Christian convert
KABUL, Afghanistan - 40-year-old Abdur Rahman came out of the Christian closet this week, earning him a possible death sentence by his Islamic Government.

The Stupid: Dude. Did you not see Brokeback Mountain? From what little I know of Islamic Law, it makes the sexual repression of the 70's Midwest look like a 60’s Free Love Commune in San Francisco. What were you thinking? Certain followers of this faith burned down a KFC over cartoons. Cartoons. These people mean business.

Hispanics march in Milwaukee against immigration bills
Milwaukee - Pissed off by tough anti-immigration legislation, demonstrators marched in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. The theme for this little shindig: "A Day Without Latinos." Awesome. Protests have themes now.

President Bush wants a "civil" debate on the legislation. "It must be done in a way that brings dignity to the process. It must be done in a way that doesn't pit people against another."

The Stupid: Obviously, President Bush. Does that even need pointing out? Maybe not for this, but just over all - he's stupid.

Adoption Institute Supports Gay Parents
New York - In a new report, the Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute states, "Laws and policies that preclude adoption by gay or lesbian parents disadvantage the tens of thousands of children mired in the foster care system who need permanent, loving homes."

The Stupid: Anyone who believes that gays and lesbians can't be good, loving parents. Naughty bits preference has nothing to do with providing a stable, secure and comfortable home for a child. Anyone who wants to look me in the eye and tell me that a 1960, single-wide trailer that holds an alcoholic and a smoker is a better home for a child simply because the parents are heterosexual will get a medal for the biggest, purposely retarded douche bag I've met so far.

"Star Wars" film legend George Lucas wants more worldly Hollywood
San Francisco - Lucas picks up a suckass award and makes a really fucking stupid speech. No, I'm not going to recap it any better than that. I can't. I tried. I have a headache now.

The Stupid: Initially, I was going to go with California congresswoman Nancy Pelosi for not presenting Lucas with a swift kick up the ass for turning one of the best villains of all times into a whiny momma's boy, but I've changed my mind.

"As long as there has been a talking Hollywood, Hollywood has had a huge impact on the rest of the world," Lucas said as he discussed his films and enhancing education with computer technology.

Okay, asshat (Woo-hoo! I just added "asshat" to my dictionary in Word!), Shatner did that song and dance in How William Shatner Changed The World, only he was far more entertaining, informative, funny and NOT SERIOUS!

Yes, light sabers and The Force led to the computer revolution. If it wasn’t for Luke Skywalker’s larger-than-life bellyaching, the Information Age wouldn’t be the new fear of all white, middle class parents everywhere. Buttplug! Wake up and smell the goddamn coffee - people around the world do what they do and it has nothing to do with you or your work (unless you count the fanboys sucking your cock).

His self-importance knows no bounds.

Well, that's it for this week, kiddies. I hope you were able to spot the stupid along with me. And should you spot the stupid in the future, please feel free to e-mail me so I can watch out for it too.

There are cookies and vodka at the bar for the afternoon snack. I’ll load the porn in the DVD player for naptime. Grab your blankies and remember: everyone on their own mat, but only if you want to adopt.