Let's Not Be Stupid

Okay, class, today’s lesson will be about how to talk. No, no, we’re not going to cover subject and verbs or how to craft a well-thought out argument. We’re going to touch on something far more simple that can be used in daily conversation that will make you’re life simpler.

That’s right. You heard me. Life simpler.

Got your attention, didn’t I?

Ready for it?

Tell me how these make you feel:

You weren’t listening.
You never pay attention
What’s wrong with you?
You should be ashamed of yourself.
You’re wrong.
You can’t do that.
Why don’t you do better?
You’re crazy.

If you heard anyone of those sentences (directed at you or not), what would you do? Sneer? Frown? Get defensive? Stop listening?

Shake it off. Here comes step two. Listen to these:

I need you to listen and pay attention.
I don’t understand what you’re doing.
I think that’s wrong.
I don’t want you to do that.
I believe you can do better.

And how did those make you feel? Less aggressively likely to beat the speaker? More likely to sympathize?

I understand that some tend to think that a speaker who starts a great many sentences with “I” are vain, selfish, self-centered jerk-offs (that probably molest children on the side when they’re not busy kicking them). That’s utter crap. Sentences that start with “I” or “I” statements give information without being threatening. If you have to communicate a problem to someone, “I” statements can do that without accusation. Anyone involved in an intervention know this.

This practice needs to spread out into normal, mainstream life. Office politics would be less dramatic if “I” statements ruled the conference room. Grocery lines would be a much more pleasant place to stand. Banking would go easier. Doctor’s office would run smoother between staff and patients.

Of course, “I” statements require some personal disclosure. Deal. If you’re so worried about what someone’s going to think about you, then maybe you should invest more time in improving yourself. Don’t tune into Access Hollywood and sew couch cushions to match your new curtains. Pick up a book – and not something from the romance isle in Wal-Mart. If you can’t be bothered to read classics, tune into Oprah and read her damn book of the month.

There are channels called History, A&E, Discovery, Bravo and Innovation if reading isn’t your think.

And don’t be a jerk. “I think you’re a bitch” isn’t any better than “You’re a bitch.” Do try to remember that there are things like tact and diplomacy. Those are not dirty words; I don’t care how many times our current presidential administration claims to use them.

So, class, your homework? Use “I” statements at the most crucial times of your life. Practice by using them during non-crucial moments.

I know you can do it.